I Worked With A Life Coach….Read the Surprising Thing That Happened!

Life coaches…it is all we hear about now a days. Everyone has a life coach. Everyone is some sort of coach. We hope that they are going to help us find focus, set goals, follow through and ultimately reach those said goals! Then we will go on to live a wildly successful life.

life coach

This post is about my experience  working with a coach and the totally amazing outcome.

Back in the early winter, I wrote about how I had won a session with a life coach. With her help I kind of got unstuck on a few things and  got set up for my ‘happiness project’. This project is set to last for the rest of my life ideally and not just for 2017.

I now had some vision, some focus, and the goals of doing things that make me happy. Some of those things include reading health books, studying nutrition, and other health related topics. I want to be as healthy and happy as can be.

I was reading and learning so much that I had a brilliant idea about setting up my own coaching practice, geared at helping midlife women with all the changes and challenges that perimenopause and menopause brings. In talking to various women it was determined that this was very needed and wanted. Women are still floundering around with information that makes us look like moody, hormonal, temperamental basket cases. We are best to just take the antidepressants prescribed by our Dr. If nothing else just to keep us from upsetting our husbands too much.

Ok great start! Women need the information and support. They want it. This is going to be fantastic. I researched some more, I talked to others, joined some business FB groups, followed some coaches.. I did some business profiles, business plans and had lots of excitement and ideas.

At this point, I figured that I needed a little more help figuring out my next steps. My community is not exactly a thriving metropolis of women who hire ‘coaches’ to help them with their health issues. I realised that this was going to have to be done online. I read up on branding, opt-ins, sales funnels, google analytics, up-leveling ….wait, what? I needed help. One of the online coaches I had started to follow and connect with was Vikki.

Vikki owns Positively Connected Coaching . She is a Certified Life Coach, Career Coach and a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach, her areas of specialization are career coaching, midlife re-invention, and Strengths Coaching. She is fun, enthusiastic and just an all round great person. We bonded over discussing squishy grandbabies and how midlife is pretty awesome.

Hang on and bear with me… the amazing part of the story is coming! A couple of months ago I set up a video chat with Vikki. She started asking me what I enjoyed about past jobs. Of course my favorite job was a doula. So I discussed how I enjoyed helping women become mothers. How I liked helping women by giving them information. I just like helping others….because why wouldn’t I? Doesn’t everyone like helping others no matter what job the do? It gives us satisfaction. The reality was I had my own selfish reasons for loving the job. We talked about strengths. Well I like technology ( is the answer I should give, right?), learning, reading, researching, drinking coffee in my pjs, watching endless hours of HGTV and eating cheesecake…. She asked what was holding me back…. definitely overwhelm.

Ok, she set up some goals and tasks, small stuff, manageable stuff. The first assignment was to work on an opt in. Ok, how about we be more realistic..how about we start with a few ideas for opt ins?  An opt in is that thing that pops up when you read a blog post or check out a website.  Fill this pop up out and get my free whatever. ( usually an ebook, free recipie, or free something) Once you fill this in… you have opted in and  your email is collected and now I can email you weekly with ‘offers’.

Sure I can do that. I came up with ideas. But I was just filled with sheer dread. I don’t like this, it feels sleezy. I started to put it off, all of a sudden getting very busy with other things. I started sewing more again. Sewing is another love I have. All of a sudden this idea of a midlife or perimenopause doula didn’t feel right. I worked in the yard, I sewed, I did everything except what I was supposed to be doing. I told Vikki I thought I needed a break, and I felt like I was moving in another direction. She assured me that it is fine to redirect my course if I needed.

Here is the surprising part of my story about using a life coach. While I had wanted help getting started with what I thought was brilliant, it turns out that it was actually pushing me off course and farther away from happiness. Her questions pushed me to think about all the behind the scenes stuff.  I didn’t want to worry about branding, opt ins or developing a huge email list so that I could get in front of my audience on a regular basis. I do not want to sell myself constantly on social media everyday. I do not want to do it. I think just like how some women marry the wrong person because they are in love with the idea of being in love, I was in love with my perimenopause doula or coach idea, but I was really not in love with actually doing it.

The bigger surprise is after much introspection I was a bit embarrassed to admit to Vikki that I don’t even really like helping people. *GASP* Who says that??  But I don’t. I like to read and write about midlife issues… but primarily I do it becauseenjoy it. I do not do it with the purpose of helping someone else. Although… if anything I do write does help someone, then that makes me really happy. If it spurs someone to set off on a mission to read and learn for themselves then I feel good.

I also am primarily a selfish person. I do not mean that in a narcissistic and selfish way because I am not that at all.  But I am very selfish with my time.  I like to be alone, and I really find helping other people as their support or their go to person to be really draining. I do better when I am creating things, working alone making things, writing things or getting things done. I am a maker, a doer.  If someone stumbles across something I do or reads what I am writing and feels inspired then great.

I do not think this was really the outcome either Vikki or I was expecting from our sessions. She was also excited about my ideas. But the amazing thing is I feel relaxed and at peace again. I feel creative again. I can write from the heart without thinking  about creating sales funnels or building a list.

I can sew the christening gowns that I love making and have a small business with. 20170628_1446112111734886

I can work in my garden and share the beauty  with the world.. or at least the people walking by.20170717_1242451721756136

This is all exciting for me and not a chore. Our life’s work should not be a draining chore.

So folks…that is my experience with coaching. It was amazing, and if I am ever feeling stuck again you can  be sure I will be booking a session with Vikki! Please if you are feeling stuck and need a life coach check her out. She will help…just maybe not in the way you would expect!

And as always…. if you are struggling with perimenopause, send me a message. If I can help I will, even if it just means pointing you in the right direction.

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14 Comments

  1. As a clarity coach, I get it. It’s not that you wouldn’t love to help coach someone, one on one through childbirth or menopause, or anything else for that matter, it’s just that you don’t have a desire to do it on a large, in your face scale that social media has led us to believe is needed in order to be successful.
    That my dear is your very wise crone wisdom showing.
    Diana Frajman recently posted…3 Helpful Tips When You Want To Be Present In LifeMy Profile

  2. I am so with you on this…I keep looking for that “thing” I need to do…all the while I think I am already doing it…we are so “trained” these days to better ourselves and to be more…when we are some times already “enough”

    The Hellion recently posted…A Year Without You…My Profile

  3. A great coaching process helps you clarify what’s important to you, which sounds like exactly what happened. That is awesome. I’m a health and wellness coach (got certified last year) and I absolutely LOVE working with (just a few) clients. I never know where their process is going to take them but it’s always really impactful, which feels great. I totally hear you about the “sales” part of it… I don’t love that. I finally took ads off my website, which makes me happy.

  4. I think you’re a bit too hard on yourself. You just love helping people in a different way than you imagined. I am working on my second career as a speaker. And the only ‘struggle’ I have is that funnels, emails list, social media boost stuff. And at my age, I’m just going to do it my way. And that’s okay. I’m speaking, I wrote two books. I’m getting gigs the old-fashioned way, but proposals and referrals, and I’m fine with that. Yes, let’s say “I did it my way….” Love your post, and your christening gowns!

  5. Hi Michele! I really appreciate this post because you are honest enough to admit that much of the work that comes with any occupation is less than fun. So if we want to do something, no matter how much we love it, we have to put up with all that other stuff too. Most people don’t talk about it. I’m a big one for promoting the idea that we should work at things we love, but unless they offset all the other “things” we have to do, we should probably search for something else. Your post makes that very clear. And good for you because you now know what is more important to you. Thanks for your thought provoking post. ~Kathy
    Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com recently posted…30 Days At The Beach Or Why We All Need To Take A BreakMy Profile

  6. As I was reading this, I kept exclaiming in my head, “yes, exactly!” I started down that life coach road too. I studied for 5 years to get a degree in helping people. And at the end of 5 years, I realized that I barely like people, let alone want to spend all my time being a helper. Now, I make things. And enjoy my alone time.

    1. Yup! All alone making. Sharing what I make. Sharing what I do, what I grow. If I can help someone with what I write… that is a great thing. But these peeps are ready for help. I have worked in helping professions for years. It can be draining.

  7. It’s funny how we think we should be something and then it turns out (with a bit of honesty and soul searching) that we want something else entirely – but have been too scared to just say “this is me” and damn the consequences and opinions. I’m getting less tolerant of other people and their drams – threatened to quite my “perfect job” today – never thought I’d see myself doing that either!
    Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au recently posted…MIDLIFE – FROM INVISIBLE TO FULL ONMy Profile

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