Do Moms Really Know Best?
In our private Facebook group we were discussing what advice our moms ( or moms in laws) may have given us about aging.
Some women were lucky enough to have moms who totally embraced aging and were still hip and cool….. those are still the terms hip and cool people use right?
For me and numerous other women, our hair seems to be the topic of much discussion with our moms or mom is laws…..or the fact that we have too much hair and that women over the magic age of 40 should cut their hair short.
I know that every time I see my mom, she makes a little comment about my hair.
‘Oh your hair is getting long, I always liked you with short hair’
‘Your sister cut her hair off, it looks so good on her, and makes her look so much younger’
Others had moms (in-law) who were much less subtle!
‘Your hair looks terrible, women over 40 should cut their short’. Yikes… that is kind of harsh!
I am not sure why 40 is the age we are told to go short. Although I do not remember my mom or my grandmothers ever having anything but short hair. Not cute pixie short. But instead just long enough to set on rollers every night.
But that is what this whole blog is all about. Midlife women of today are not like midlife women of our mothers or grandmothers generations. We have tattoos, and wear ponytails, ball caps and work out clothes. We do not follow a set of rules layed out for ‘mature’ women anymore. We do what we want and we really do not apologize for it. We will cut our hair only if we feel like cutting our hair. And if we do…. we may dye it pink and purple too. I am so happy that we are no longer stuck following the ‘rules’ for women over 40 to follow. Although I would be curious to have a look at this mystical rule book.
This all got my head thinking about what other great advice I was given. Things like when I married at 20 my mom told me I needed to ‘dress like a married woman now’. I think to her this meant nice subdued clothing to best reflect the submissive wife appearance. Remember I was raised in a cult! I think I said something to the effect of ‘ I am married not dead’. Then I proceeded to cut my long hair short…..which ironically it was a sin for young women to have short hair especially shorter than her husbands.
She was also quite horrified at my habit of wearing sundresses or skirts without a ‘slip’ underneath! If you still own a slip then you are certainly a good woman! To top things off I would not wear pantyhose! Married women do not dress like that.
( This all got me thinking about a book that I was given as a wedding present from a friend of my moms. It was titled The Total Woman, and now I must find a copy and do a blog post about this ridiculous information that was followed by good women in the 70’s. ( there was another called Fascinating Womanhood also) Be sure to follow and watch for it! )
Nowadays, other than subtle remarks about my hair, my mom rarely has any words of advice about aging for me. Perhaps because I have always shut down the conversations by doing my own thing anyway. (sometimes just because I am difficult and stubborn) She does still like to give my newly single 47 year old brother great dating advice though, things like ‘do not sleep with a new girlfriend for 90 days after starting a relationship’. Oh momma! Sometimes maybe it is just best to clutch your pearls and pray for our souls.
I do have an adult daughter… I try to be careful of crazy advice that I may give her. I really must ask her what is the most craziest piece of advice I have given. Maybe I should just ask her husband. Although she is usually pretty good at telling me when I have skipped my meds and start talking nonsense.
So… what about you. Did or does your mom have any crazy or really profound words of wisdom for you about aging? I would love to hear it!