Are you a judgy mom or are you a mom doing the best you can?
Last week there was a video going around, showing twin toddlers who knocked over their dresser.
The dresser lands on one of the twins, and the other manages to free his brother. I think the mother posted the video originally as a warning to other moms.
I had numerous friends of young kids post the video, and I was truly shocked at the meanness and judginess of parents about it all.
” where were the parents?”
” what kind of parent leaves 2 kids alone?”
” why did they not have that dresser bolted to the wall?”
” I read the mother was sleeping!”
” They need to sue IKEA” ( really…. I mean really?? It is Ikea’s fault that some kid used the drawers as steps to climb a dresser? Kids have done this since the invention of dressers)
How we all envision ourselves as mothers.
Ok.. I raised toddlers along time ago, and occasionally I am entrusted with the care of my grandkids ( just kidding, they are here every chance they get) and I even was a toddler once myself back before the birth of Christ and the invention of nanny cams.
Unless you are up your kids ass all day long, things are going to happen. Occasionally a mother must take a shit, a shower or lord help her even sleep. (Which if I have the story is correct…the whole family was supposed to be sleeping, but if you have even had a toddler, you know they don’t sleep when they are supposed to.) And bolting a dresser to the wall must really be a new thing…. because when my kids were using the drawers as stairs, this isn’t really something that was done, at least not in my circle of friends, that we talked about. Because no one had social media to post about their superior parenting abilities.
I had a kid that never slept at night. He wandered the house, climbing on the counters, turning on taps, getting ‘nilk’ from the fridge. At 2 or 3 years old. I often slept through it, until I heard something fall off a counter, or heard water running down because he turned on the tap and pushed it back against the counter. He was an adventurous guy, and climbed everything and anything, the dresser, the stove, the table, the fences and trees. Short of tying his ass to a chair ( which I had to keep on top of the table) I couldn’t watch him every second of the day. Yes… I was that mom that would turn on cartoons for my 4 and 2 year old and go and have a shower. Did he fall occasionally…he sure did. But you know what… he learned. He learned to be careful. He learned somethings just are not a good idea, he learned falling down hurts and sometimes mom is right. Thank God there was no social media to judge my every parenting move and a throng of righteous mommies calling out my obvious lack of mothering ability. But I can now say he is almost 27 years old, and he thinks before he risks…. and I attribute it to the fact he learned about his limits, on his own, by experiencing falls and bumps and bruises.
While I watched the video… I noticed that the room looked pretty safe. They even had a nanny cam to watch when an adult wasn’t in the room. I imagine the kids played in there all the time. No one really expects that a dresser is going to fall over, or that both kids would even think to climb it at the same time. Kids do crazy things… when they are 2 and when they are 16. We try and stay ahead ahead of the game and put safety nets in place….but sometimes they miss the net.
When it comes to parenting…. moms, do what you can. But do not let the judgy sanctimonious moms get you down. Most of us are not negligent, I mean bolting the dresser to the wall may be a genius idea…but you may not even think of it until afterwards. As women we need to quit judging. Parenting is hard work. Parenting more than one kid is harder, whether its twins or just a pile of singles (My husband is a twin…I heard stories. My mother in law certainly didn’t follow them around all day….she had shit to do.)
Just be kind… most moms are doing the best they can. And for every parenting fail you judge, someone else will be judging yours. And believe me…. you WILL have parenting fails. It is inevitable, it happens, and then you learn to bolt the dresser to the wall…. because yay for you, you have that kid that climbs everything!