Like so many others, I have anxiety and slight depression. My default personality seems to just be anxiety, doom, gloom and fear whenever things are not going quite right. It has been a bit of a rough year and I have spent most of the year in a ball of nerves and making up some crazy shit that I think is going to happen. It is affecting how I see the world, since even one hour of watching the news has me convinced the world is going to hell in a handbag, or is it a bread bag? Breadbox? It doesn’t matter the world is messed up and we are all going to hell.
This anxiety thing is even affecting my health…seeing as Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune illness and I have it, is affected by stress, whether real stress or imagined and made up in my crazy head stress. My body can not tell the difference So lately, the more I try and do everything I can to ease or control the symptoms, they are just not leaving.
When I think about it when I am not anxiety ridden it is fucking hilarious, the crazy stories I can make up… I really should be a fiction writer. I have to wonder what would happen if I took all that negative energy and turned it positive? Pretty sure I could move mountains.
I have decided that I am going to change this around. I am going to learn how to override my negative default setting. I am going to start my own little happiness project. I am not totally sure exactly, how I am doing it or what it entails, but I am doing it.
I am going to make being happy, joyful and grateful my main goal and my main priority in life. Don’t get me wrong, I am already pretty happy and grateful…..my life is truly blessed… but when the craziness starts up I forget all about all that I have, all that I am and all that I am doing. I end up focusing on all that I don’t have and all that I have not accomplished yet.
I feel like if I start following a path of happiness and gratefulness all of the rest of my life goals will start to fall into place, some that I do not even know that I have yet. It just always seems that happy and grateful people go farther, do more, and have more opportunities presented to them. I am not just doing this in hopes that more will be presented to me…. but, hey I am open to that. I just want to end the feeling of being Henny Penny and having the sky falling all the time. It is exhausting keeping track of all the stories that my head has happening.
I am not waiting till January 1 to start, I am not waiting till next week, or even Monday. I started today. I am going to dive into happy and grateful and see what happens. Every single day I will be writing at least 10 things I am grateful for and I will try and face and embrace all that I am not quite so grateful for…. like winter. Like bills. Like mosquitoes. Instead of complaining about the way things are, I will do my best to be what I want to see in the world. I will try and find happiness in the small things that are around me. And laugh more, I definitely need to laugh more.
Who wants to join me on this journey…and reset your own whiney and anxiety ridden default button?